THE NOs OF BEING THIN

I just came across one of my old journals. I was using it to record my thoughts for a compulsive eating workbook, Why Weight?, that I was using in 2010. 

Exercise #6 asked: THE NOs OF BEING THIN (Being thin means I can't).  What is blocking me from losing weight, releasing my negative connection to food and taking care of myself.

This is what I wrote. 

1. can't hide/fade into the background (sexual attention)
2. can't dress bummy
3. can't stop people from approaching me (sexually)
4. can't eat what I want
5. can't put things off
6. can't dumb down my expectations
7. can't be low maintenance
8. can't stop working out
9. can't deny that people might not be attracted to me for other reasons than my body
10. can't be frugal
11. can't be powerful or assertive
12. can't avoid other women's jealousy
13. can't hold on to my "big black girl" persona
14. can't stop worrying that I'll get fat again
15. can't be an overachiever
16. can't be unique/exotic/other (in worlds that matter...I was living in L.A. at the time and I stood out because everyone around me was rail thin).
17. I won't be as attractive

Will have to review which of these "can't" still rings true.

Michelle

FINAL WEIGH IN: 30 Days to 100 pounds

I spent the majority of December striving to reach my personal goal of reaching the 100 pound weight loss goal. I chose carb cycling, a method I discovered in Brenda-Leigh Turner's Lean Secrets, as the main way that I would tackle the pounds. On December 1, 2012, I started at 250 pounds. The goal was to reach 230 pounds.

Check out the video below to see the final verdict.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

I am one of those annoying people who loves the new year for no other reason than to make RESOLUTIONS. For me, the new year represents a blank, white sheet of paper that I can craft out my most elaborate plans on. I love lists. I love goals. I am a Capricorn, that's what we do!

As my body transformation project enters into its third year, new goals are critical to keep me motivated. Although I am very proud of myself for losing almost 100 pounds (96 pounds to be exact), I still have a goal number in mind and it is going to take a lot of work to get there.

I know what I eat is the most critical part of the equation and I am grateful that I spent a good chunk of 2012 becoming a student of good food choices and understanding how those choices impact MY body. Upon reflection, what I do find odd about the second year of my process versus my first year is how little weight I lost. In my first year of my weight loss journey I only reduced my portions and exercised. I was still eating cheesesteaks (from a foot long to a six inch), donuts (one instead of six), movie theater popcorn (large for a small) and still managed to lose 85 pounds. In 2012, I went toward a more vegan/vegetarian diet and only lost 11 pounds. But after reviewing my food journals and FB food photos, I've come to realize that my meals were very high in carbohydrates. Without the meat I was always battling hunger or more accurately, the feeling of not being satiated.

I'm not gonna lie to those considering reducing or cutting out meat from your diet. There is a certain feeling of "full" that meat provides for me that no amount of veggies, smoothies, or fruit has been able to mimic. Now, most of the time, I can go about my day not needing to feel that fullness, but at some point I surrender to the siren call of meat and bam! Full! I have stopped beating myself up about not being perfect around all my food choices and just move on and make my next plant-based meal.

But this blog is not about my imperfect vegetarian ways. There will be enough time for self flagellation in another post:)

In 2013 I would like to hit my goal weight of 180 pounds. I have no idea what I will look like at that weight. The last time I was 180 pounds I was a 5-day-a-week varsity basketball playing 18 year old. What will that look like on a 44 year-old? Lately, I've been taking a lot of "outfit of the day" pictures and I am quite happy with what I see. I could technically stop actively trying to lose weight and be quite satisfied with what I have accomplished. But as I stated, I am a Capricorn...LOL

Seriously, my more specific goal for 2013, which I have probably erroneously attached to a number on the scale, is to wear a tankini/bikini at the beach this summer. I haven't worn a bikini in over 30 years. I shared in a youtube video, a while back, that I was attacked at a pool when I was 13 years-old, by a group of older boys and never wore a bikini again. In 2013, I would like to reclaim my right to do that. Of course, I know, I could put on a bikini right now and tell the world to kiss my stretch marked, big belly ass, but...um...yeah...that is not gonna happen.

There are approximately 25 weeks until the official start of summer and I am going to use that time to tighten up my body. I had been doing some strength training in 2012 but became impatient with the process and chucked my routine. Now when I look back at pics, when I was lifting weights, I can definitely see a difference...that I didn't appreciate then.

THE GAME PLAN

After much researching and reviewing what has worked for me in the past, this is what I've come up with.

5 days a week I will eat moderate to low carbohydrate meals. I used to poo poo the notion of paying strict attention to carbohydrates until I spent December carb cycling and I was finally able to break through a plateau that no amount of spinning, running or juicing was able to move me through. I will incorporate one cheat day and one juicing day. I like juicing. It gives me the opportunity to experiment with fruits and vegetables and it gives me a break from considering what I should eat next.

On the water front, I am going to get through a gallon of a water daily. I have not been good at this. I have almost eliminated juice and sodas from my diet all together, but will drink nothing before I remember to drink water. I will be tricking myself to reach this goal. Here is where my obsession with my 32 ounce mason jars will come in hand. I love drinking out of them. They make me feel all earthy and conscious...LOL. So, I am going to fill four of them up with water at the beginning of the day and work toward drinking all of them. Four 32 ounce mason jars of water equals a gallon! Math and remedial visual tricks are our friends!

I love exercising! It reminds me how strong my body really is and even after years of being idle, I was able to get back to a pretty good fitness level even when I was super heavy.

I am going to go with three days of cardio, primarily spinning. I have learned that I am better served when I do exercise that I enjoy. Anything else is too frustrating and will set me up to sabotage the workout day. On the other days I will incorporates weights, planks, squats, wall sits, ab wheel, lunges, Russian twist and random sit ups. I am primarily focusing on my abs and legs during OPERATION TANKINI.

And finally, sleep. Don't sleep on sleep:) I've tried to fool myself that I can survive AND be productive on less than six hours, but that is a crock of bull. Sleep impacts all parts of our lives and there is a reason that nature makes it mandatory.

So, there is the layout for one of my main fitness resolutions. I will post a bathing suit picture in during the week so you can see what I am working with.

stay beautiful,
Michelle

A COLORFUL WINTER

Probably like most people, I tend to lean toward a black and grey wardrobe during the winter. But today I was feeling like I wanted some color in my life. I pulled out this bright orange BABY PHAT sweater that I got from a friend who no longer was wearing it. She gave it to me over a year ago, but I looked like the Michelan Man in it, so saved it as a goal sweater. I am a Capricorn, I love a good goal! I love how it clings to my new shape and boobs. The bodycon JONES NEW YORK dark denim skirt was also from a closet raid, involving my cousin. I am also rocking a three inch heel, tall, black boot from LANE BRYANT.  I think I picked it up last winter.

I am feeling curvy and sleek. I must do more color as the winter goes along!

Stay beautiful,
Michelle

DIY: Sweater skirts

Earlier in the month, I came across an Etsy site that was selling recycled sweaters that the designer had cleverly converted into cute skirts. She was charging $35.00! 

Um…no, ma’am! 

I pulled out one of my $3.00 thrift store sweaters, a sharp pair of scissors and got to making my own. It is not exactly high fashion, but you couldn’t tell me nothing as I rocked my “upcycled,” olive green mini skirt on Christmas day.  This was a fashion risk for me, as I am usually a jeans and t shirt girl. I topped the skirt off with a GAP long sleeve shirt and a FOREVER 21 single button blazer (gift from baby sister). Black leggings for warmth and my AVENUE tall boots (check them out online if you have big feet or wide calves or both).

Here’s to finding your own personal style.

Stay beautiful,

Michelle

30 DAYS TO 100 POUNDS

I lost most of my weight in 2011. 85 pounds to be exact. I thought in 2012 I would get down to my goal weight of 180 pounds. That hasn't happened. I spent most of the year experimenting with becoming a vegan and learning to cook. I haven't gain any weight and I am actually happy with what I see in the mirror, but I would still like to cross the 100 pound loss finish line. So, at the beginning of December I challenged myself to shed the last few pounds and mark that goal of my list. Check out my video below and see how I plan on pulling this off.

OUTFIT OF THE DAY: Vintage leather

I love shopping! Mind you, this is a recent love affair. When I was heavier I hated shopping. Between the big breasts, big feet and big everything else, it took too much effort. Now, I find myself experimenting with all kinds of clothes and styles. Over the last year, I've also fallen in love with thrifting and swaps: a really cost efficient way to look cute.

A recent find is this brown leather jacket that I picked up a Girls of Plenty Vintage Pop Up event. If you live in the DMV area make it your business to go to these events. They offer unique and awesome pieces, for a really good price. The rest of the outfit is from closet raids on one of my friends and a cousin, both who have lost a lot of weight. Why buy your clothes when you can just steal them from those you love!

stay beautiful,
Michelle